I had the most strange dream yesterday where all my crushes met in one place and I had to choose between them and I chose an unexpected person.

I’m not letting myself get excited by this new guy because I don’t want to like him in case Max and I rekindle. But then on the other hand I do want to get excited. Fuck tall boys man.

The thought of the possibility of Max and I getting back together is stopping myself from starting anything with this new guy, I need to know that I have no way of getting back to let myself move on. Watching videos of him makes me miss him, but they feel like distant memories.

I’ve met the nicest guy

Oh my god

May or may not have found myself another 6ft5 guy 🙈

Today has been an absolute whirl wind of emotion. I went from being extremely angry and hurt to feeling nearly at peace. Max and I have broken up because the love we had has grown apart. Though I still wish so hard that he’d magically start loving me I can now realise that everything is going to be okay. And that maybe we can be friends. I hope that he changes his mind though I know the chances of that are bleek. I resented him for telling me at first because I have literally just moved up into my new student accommodation and he made me feel utterly alone, However now thinking about it now is a better time if any as I will be so busy making new friends that I wont be concentrating on the pain and hopefully it will just leave me. We will try to meet up one last time, if anything just as friends. But I know that my crave for his hugs may lead to more damage, but I need this as closure. I need to know that just seeing me wont change his mind and that we are done. I have loved the last two years. Maybe too much. Because now they cant leave my head.

He told me one of his favourite memories of his, that not even I rememebered and it was very sweet, and it goes to show that he still remembers the love we had,

The worst thing is that he didn’t even want to try. I feel so used. I can’t speak to him ever again.